谢谢各位给我的留言，TAKE IT EASY，我会积极治疗的。但是还是要谢谢各位的关心。

一句话，悉尼很是无聊，上海又缺了点什么，呵呵，人总是在这样的状态中度过。不停地回头望，却什么都看不到，努力地向前看，又什么都看不到。

一切都在迷茫中度过，在迷茫中开始，在迷茫中结束。

人在最难过的时候，不是想找人聊天，因为可以聊的人已经不在身边，也不是哭，而是安静地写很多东西。在写同时，又任凭自己的眼睛放肆地出汗，过后，点燃一支香烟，让自己都不明白究竟是香烟的烟雾还是自己的心情而导致眼睛地流汗。

回来一个多星期了，才见过两个好友，朋友说总是把自己困在家里，不是件好事情。不知道为什么到了上海，我有点害怕出门，我害怕那么多人，我更害怕那些路和名。

昨天，表哥带我去唱久违的KTV，“怎样”，我唱的不好，但是我想唱。“外婆”竟然让我湿了眼眶，我想起了家里可爱的老人。

过去的快乐太过于刻骨铭心，现在的迷茫又太过现实，将来，让我想都不敢去想。

各位，放心吧，我会好好调理好身体的。

TX ALL。

 

 

 

回来到现在已经好几天了，没有联系过的朋友，请你们见谅。因为这几天我一直忙着跑医院。而自己身体的确有些问题，属于比较隐私的，我们私下交流。

估计复诊还需要好几次。

所以say sorry to everyone。

出去一次，竟然带了些须毛病回来，很讽刺。

竟然这些问题不该在我们这种年龄。

连着去了两天医院，拿到诊断，很是吃惊，很是沮丧。其实很多事情是不公平的。我做错什么了么？也许吧，也许并没有。我不知道。

OK，等我确诊完，我会一一联系的。不会忘记的。

sorry again!!!

 

明天晚上就该到家了，现在都一点了，我还抱着电脑坐在床上，什么生活，过的。悉尼连续下了一周的雨，最后一门考试在下雨中结束，而明天又要在下雨中离开这里。分手，总是在雨季，呵呵。

近好几个月没有自己煮过菜，近一个月没买过吃的，冰箱里空的让我觉得可怕。回去，估计再也不吃面了。真的是怕了。懒，还是这个字。不洗漱，煮两个白煮蛋当早饭和中饭吧。想象着它的美味。朋友一周固定买菜做饭，虽然为做什么而烦恼，但是至少还算营养均衡。我呢，在家，就是面加水饺，放几片叶子，貌似很美味，其实吃的好无滋味。我呢，也没见得少花费，但是别人每天能吃到饭菜，我可能吃个三分之一到两分之一星期的饭菜，呵呵。在学校就买饭吃，实在没吃了就出去吃。我过着地狱和天堂的生活。在吃面的时候就想象着一口咬着油鸡的感觉。

最后，不幸的是，EASTWOOD如此多美食的地方，我也觉得食之无味了。来份鱼香肉丝盖交饭会有多幸福啊，又或者一份香菇肉丝米粉，也是很让我期待的啊。

吃饭问题，哎，希望下半年会好点，掌勺还是继续面，得好好想下了。

这九个月的生活，从陌生到有点熟悉，从很难听懂别人说话，到现在的还行，改变了一些。但是从来没有改变的就是没怎么认真学习。没给市友们做好榜样。害的总是树立不起威信来。哎。

刚来几个月，总是在那陌生的校园里，问自己“我是谁”，现在总算知道自己是谁，但是一切还是迷茫。看不清方向。

前天晚上喝的有点醉，和Carina聊啊聊，聊的眼睛有点湿润了。呵呵，也许，适当的醉是为了更加的清醒。

朋友说回国能省生活费，对我来说，回次国，买了600AUD的东西，还要交房租和所有的bill，似乎比在这里开销还大。哎。总觉得买的还不够。个性使然。

昨天，看了ocean 13，还是半懂半不懂，别人笑的让我觉得莫名其妙。Magda真的是非常sweet，这个星期陪了我三天，竟然还和我说owe me a big hug.呵呵。我what了半天，hm？在这里，也会了hug。哈哈。其实我很shy的。今天还躺在床上，拒绝了Stefanie的hug,还在睡觉，怎么hug啊，其实我还是不习惯拉。下次吧，一起补上。不好意思，昨天来我家说好陪我，我竟然摆弄电脑，害别人在一边做reading，哈哈。我，强人啊。

OK，thanx all guys accompany here before my leaving.

Amandine，上海等你了，带你领略下上海。

Magda,下次走，希望你别哭啊。

Hm?!Stefanie, 下次不要在我还在床上的时候说hug，呵呵。

Kelly还是那么大智若愚，哈哈。

All the friends here, do not worry about me, I am alright. I will take care. See you again in the end of July.

上海的朋友，我回来拉！！！

 

也许，很多地方，是我们人生路上的转站而已。我们谁都不知道我们是属于哪个地方。上海又或者是悉尼，又或者是纽约或者东京呢，我们什么地方都不属于。

也许，很多人，是我们人生路上的转站而已。不是你想下车，就是他想下车。总之，一站一站地停，我们一站一站地下。也许，有些人的车总能载到乘客，而有些人的车却下去了唯一的乘客。

慢慢地，看到有些东西，我突然显得平静了。我不知道为什么。也许，那份激动是无济于事的，所以，我选择平静。除了接受，还有祝福。恩，是的，请相信我，我想我是祝福你的。

扭曲，什么是扭曲的生活。这个世界有错与对么？我一直认为没有。我一直觉得Life is only once, why not?可悲也可笑的生活，可悲也可笑的我。

委婉地拒绝了某人在我离开前陪我度过最后一个晚上，委婉地说，我自己会打包的，其实呢，也许，我不会，委婉地说，我不想影响你的考试，委婉地说，我尊重你的决定，委婉地说，我姐姐会坐火车送我去机场...一切都是委婉地说法，所以，明天，在离开这个陌生又熟悉的城市前两天，我们好好聊一下。对不起有什么用呢。结果还是一样，所以以后，我们不要再说对不起或者谢谢。不要让我太过依赖于你，否则我会是个麻烦，一个你会讨厌的麻烦在不久的将来。

太多的对白，让我想起了太多的过去。

我的生活是苍白，而不是扭曲。我的生活是乱七八糟，而不是充满理想。一天天地混沌地过着，鬼知道我有没有理想，我有没有力量，我有没有勇气了。我不是某人说的可爱，我不是某人说的敢做敢当。其实，我想告诉你，我都不敢了。因为到最后还是飞蛾扑火，火依然照亮着别人，而飞蛾却不再存在了。

回去，没有兴奋，只有压抑，回去没有期待，只有伤感，甚至感到莫名的生气，不知道，谁知道呢...

嘿，还记得我么？还记得我们的过去么？我好多了，我不会再低声下气地自己都觉得没有尊严的去恳求了。因为我知道，我输了一切，但是我不能输掉自尊。

我离去的日子，也许你将归来。就如你说，我们之间没有交集是最好的结果。所以，相信我，我会努力做到你说的每句话，让我们之间永远都是平行线。而我，早就是下车的乘客，伫立在车站迟迟不肯离去，看着远去的汽车，我以为它会回来，哪怕是在冬天让你避寒，可是我错了，车子开走，就永远回不来了。

恩，请不要忘记那些遗失的美好。

God, what did I do to my grandma who is the one loves me the most in the world. I shouted to her and she cried. In fact, I feel very regretful about it, but I did it. No matter what I am trying to say, I did it. I am an ass hole.

Could you forgive me? I hope you will not mind what was I talking, I am really impulsive. Sorry about that. Really sorry, although I know sorry means nothing at all.

I just read my friend's grandpa got cancer, I pray for your grandpa, Elsa, from my heart...

I received someone's email and in fact I feel very intensive missing feelings. God, I do not know, but I think I could not bother you now. So what can I do is like usual, seeing films till 3 or 4 in the morning, then have a unwanted sleep.

Guys, I am gonna leave here next week. So many things need to be handled. Just forget the freak consumer behavior and prepare for the fail in that. Ok, just let it be. It concerns about a lot of money. God. If it is only 2400 RMB, how good it is! I am bull shit again.

Let me prepare for the back to Shanghai and wait for someone's calling in Shanghai and then... I do not know.

Ok, the night life just started from 00:51 in Sydney, actually, it is only about watching films till feel dizzy.

 

Good night, my grandma, good night, my dear all.

 

 

Sometimes when you wanna clam down in your life, there always be something let you be angry. If not because of my grandma, I think I do not want back. No meaning for me to back at all. The city full of betraying, the city full of sadness...

Sometimes I will feel very angry about my life, no one cares you, no one understands you, no one will you put you in the mind, no one will...

Feel hopeless...

Even your parents will not care about you, so who will care about you? Ridiculous!!!

What is the fucking life I have now, what is the fucking life I had in the past, what will be the fucking life I have in future???

At least I know I cannot trust anyone, someday in the future they will hurt you without any hesitation. So scared about this kind of poeple. Selfish and indifferent! They prentend to love you or care you in the past, when they wanna over something, they will hurt you as they want. So never trust there is forever in the world, it is totally bull shit. Everyone will beside you when your life is so nice, everyone will betray you when you in a messy and difficult life. So if you meet someone in the future, if they run away from you without any word, do not be shocked, that is real them! If you guys could not be together, do remember the words they said when they hurt you cause I believe those are real their thingking about you, remind yourself they just played you and they just made fun with you. Control yourself no matter how you miss them. You could not forgive them. Maybe they do not treat you as a tiny thing, you are nothing to them. They just find another better person or better life, you are nothing now. Remember that! Do not trust what are fucking guilty, if they are really guilty, they will not hurt you and laugh at you with their close friends. Never trust think kind of people.

It is not your fault to love this kind of people, it is the fault by the world, the world let everything happen. These people will never feel shame although they said they felt guilty. Their feelings are always be themselves-centred.

 I felt totally hopeless when my small business overed and had nothing to do after bachelor studying. Just stay at home and be lonely, no one cared me, no one asked me...no one... did anything, even a hug or a touch...

Damn!!!

Fucking life!